My heart hurts that I can't do this for my baby. I hate that I can't. I've exhausted all of my options, and myself. I would nurse her for up to 45 min. then bottle feed her then pump for 20 min. This process was a good 90 minutes, and with a baby eating every 3 hours, it's been extremely taxing. But I've tried - so hard. The lactation consultant, my homeopathic lady, my mom, my husband, have all been very supportive and have told me there is nothing more I can/could do. I've had to come to terms with it myself. I'm not sure I'm there yet. It's not for lack of stimulation, bad latching, just sheer lack of milk. I don't give up easily but I'm at a loss. It's hard to not feel like a failure. This just isn't how I pictured things going. I guess nothing has gone how I thought it would, this is just the last hard pill to swallow in my journey. So for now, I'll continue to nurse her than bottle feed her until I'm dried up. With the Domperidone, it may not dry up until I quit taking the pills. I'm just not going to stress over pumping. I'll do it if I feel like it. I'm not going to spend the rest of my leave tied to that machine where it's not helping increase my supply. We'll see how long it all lasts.
5 comments:
That is so frustrating! It must have been exhausting trying. Your little girl sure is a cutie!
I know EXACTLY how you feel. It is a very hard and frustrating battle. I thought it was supposed to be "natural" and "easy". It just never was. I know all too well the many hours you spend trying to make it happen. I'm so sorry because it is something that we want so badly. I have felt less of woman because it. Not like the super moms out there. But guess what? It doesn't mean that I am a bad mom. And more importantly I was able to enjoy my babies more after finally caving in and accepting the fact that it just wasn't going to happen. There is no harm in that. And I know my babies enjoyed me more when I wasn't stressing out about it either. Please know that I am here for you if you need to talk or vent about it. Or just know that you are not the only one among so many that it comes to naturally. Try not to feel bad about all the reasons why breast feeding is "best" and focus on the more relaxed and enjoyable time you get to spend with Zoie. I can assure you that my my now grown babies are just as healthy and just as smart as all the other kids their age. And don't forget I LOVE YOU!!
Amy, it makes me sad that you feel bad. Don't feel bad, I'm sure your a great Mom and Mother to your daughter. Don't beat yourself up over it. For some breastfeeding isn't easy, and I think with your first its more stress and extra pressure. Look at the bright side, you have a happy healthy baby girl! :) Keep your head up and smile.
What a sweet picture! And I agree! It's so heartbreaking that you plan on breastfeeding and then feel like a failure when it just doesn't happen... but, your beautiful baby will grow and flourish, I promise! Mine have and none have had milk for more than 6 weeks... You're doing well! One thing that I've found, lack of milk can also be connected to insulin resistance... while you still have milk you might want to try the insulin resistance diet and see if it helps...
I know it is hard to go through times like these, when your body won't do what you want it to. Satan wants you to think you are a failure but you're not. You were able to bring a child into this world. You have the ability to raise her and teach her. Although these times are hard, try to keep an eternal perspective.
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