On the other hand, I'm so incredibly tired of fighting my body. It has been a long, continuous fight and we're still fighting. First, it was the infertility fight. As those who know and continue to know, it is no futile fight and extremely taxing in all aspects. Then I felt like it was a fight to stay pregnant. It was something so wanted and, I felt, so fragile, I did everything in my power to continue growing the life inside of me (almost at the expense of my sanity). Then we moved on to fight the various pregnancy "growing pains" and at the last, fighting my blood pressure (which they officially diagnosed as pre-eclampsia even without spilling protein). The blood pressure ultimately won as I had to be induced. Now we are fighting the breast feeding battle. I am giving it my all (almost at the expense of my sanity again) but I am SO tired of fighting. I just don't understand why my body can't do what it was meant and built to do...what so many people have no problem doing. I am taking Fenugreek and nasty Mother's Milk tea - continuing my disgusting journey through holistic means in an effort to help my body do what it should.
I know it's not the end of the world if it doesn't work. The formula has gotten her almost back at her birth weight in a week. I feel lucky that there is formula so she doesn't starve. It's just so hard because it's something that I want to make work so bad. And I just don't understand why one thing just can't go smoothly in this process. I'm trying to understand what I'm supposed to be learning - probably to quit being such a control freak. So we are trudging along. I was going to give it until Monday, but after getting some good ideas at my lactation consult today, I'm going to give it another week. Wish me luck.
2 comments:
Keep it up! You can do it! I feel so much for you. A lactation consultant helped me when at 3 weeks I was ready to quit. I kept going, day by day (sometimes hour by hour) and it became so wonderful. Mine told me to just keep nursing and nursing and nursing (with her tips, like constantly offer the breast when the baby is tired, fussy, etc, and don't do any more bottles). It does get better! And it's so good for your own body, not just the baby. And think of all the money you will save.
I love your posts. They make me feel normal! Don't give up on breast feeding though. I feel like my baby is just starting to really get it and she's almost 7 weeks. You can do it!
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