The Saddest Time of Day

The saddest time of day is when I make my bed in the morning and know that it'll be another 16 or so hours until I get to snuggle in and rest. I was so tired yesterday and got hardly any sleep last night. I did count my lucky stars that I didn't have a baby that would have accounted to no sleep at all. I know my bed is waiting for me. I hope it misses me too.

So I've had a lot of things on my mind lately. Today, with the warm weather and going to work at 7:30 a.m. unneccessarily (that has NEVER happened, but Dallin has a doctor's appointment I'm going to with him so I thought I'd go in early) I started feeling that summery feeling I got in high school when the air started to turn warm and summer break is right around the corner...Ok, so I don't have a summer break right around the corner but just looking at the mountains, they are so GREEN. Maybe the greenest they've ever been, or that I've ever paid attention to. With little snowcaps on them and these houses nestled into them, SO beautiful. I got that summery feeling again.

I've also been really inspired by the Biggest Loser (again). Maybe because I'm a little chubbier but mainly by Kristin who recently got voted off. I always found her borderline annoying because she ALWAYS has something to say, it's like she's the official spokeswoman. If there is nothing interesting, Kristin always had the perfect line they'd put in the show. But that's also why I liked her. What she had to say on Tuesday this week, really hit me because it was a lot of what I've been thinking lately about deserving things and being scared of them being ripped away. Of course, it's ultimately a self-esteem issue (one that I've been trying to work on) but I do have that fear deep down inside, and it was so nice to hear that she has it too because it's so easy to think you're the only one. And to feed that fear, what she was hoping for didn't exactly happen, but it makes you grateful for being able to enjoy and feel like you deserve the blessing in the moment and hopefully face the fear and get over it quickly when it's taken away. So, I resolved myself again, to face and fight head-on and hopefully inspire myself and maybe others, along the way that it's ok to want something. And it's ok not to get it too. And just because you want it, doesn't mean it won't happen. It may be lonely waiting for it, but you do deserve it and it's ok to feel that way.

I booked my ticket to Seattle for July to visit Dallin while he's away on work business for 2 weeks. I'm really excited because I've never been there. I've already looked up some sites to see and places to eat. Two more months and I'll be in vacation mode.

Also, it was great to see all of you who came to our house-warming party. We didn't get a chance to really talk to most of you at the wedding so it was great to finally catch up. My father-in-law made delicious hamburgers and hot dogs and it was awesome. We love and miss you guys! Stop by any time!

I've resolved myself to seeing a sports medicine doc too. I did the elliptical and also stretched out my knees the past few workouts and they've been feeling great. No Aleve necessary. So I decided to run yesterday and the unbearable pain was back. Dallin was so sweet to cook dinner as I couldn't move. It was horrible. Now that I want to work out, my knees are holding me back. It's amazing what one little Aleve can do though. And ice.

So that's it. Hooray for sunny weather!